Wow what a great post Thecarguy, thanks for sharing your struggle. As others have said, that does take kahones (although it's sad that it's more rare to be real with others). I'm sorry for what you're going through. There's so much good that has been said by others here already, I can hardly hope to add anything. But as a goalie who occasionally midnights as a mental health therapist I will add this much:
There really is a lot of truth to really knowing yourself, and knowing what YOU want, not what others want you to do. If you want to respect others' wishes somewhat while being true to yourself that's great, but if you're only doing something for others, it won't last and it won't be authentic or blessed by your true passion and commitment. I'd recommend setting aside a little time to really think this through. Spend a day or a weekend away from others and get to know yourself on a deeper level. See if you can even write out what's important to you, your values, your goals, your hopes, and even your limits (pretending you don't have any won't help, despite what Hollywood says). This could go either way. You may find yourself recommitting to hockey with a new vigour, doing it for your own reasons this time, or, you may find yourself letting go, and finding peace and hope in starting a new chapter in life. It's completely your choice. Make the choice that brings you life, hope, and peace. Good luck my friend, and thanks for all your posts on warrior gear that I'm always so interested in!