Just knowing I was different was stress enough. As I got older pre teen teenage years I’d be put in situations where my big secret could be on display. (Without going into a ton of detail. A massive and unsightly scar that pretty much runs my entire torso oh and I have no belly button). I was picked on by a lot of a holes. So largely I’d just withdraw from a lot of social situations. My parents were just always like it’s no big deal. In my head I’d always say easy for you to say. Teenage years can I honestly say I’d have thoughts of taking my life? Yes. Wasn’t until my sophomore year my mindset was changed for me. A friend of mine passed away suddenly from a heart condition he had and by all accounts no longer an issue. He was a fun loving dude funny like you, push teachers to the edge. Poof one Monday he was just gone. It was perspective.
My senior year another buddy we were polar opposites. But somehow became friends he had to move away jr year. But came back weeks before graduation. I saw him at a local pizza place where my then GF lived. Big smile big hug. Hey Mike I’m back awesome man. About a week later he took his own life. Unbelievable there was nothing for me to think that he would do that. I still can’t to this day.
I realized I have to stop beating myself up for a medical mistake that I can’t control. I can control my days. I can laugh , I can be happy. I’ll just ride the wave that is life. Because I’m still Alive.
I don’t talk about my situation much , hell family members of my wife and friends that I’ve made have no idea ppl I’ve known for 18 years.
Im at peace and the last nail in the coffin of any poor Mike that loomed was put to bed this past December when close friends of my wife and I had their second child unfortunately he was born with a very rare genetic issue. They were crushed. He told me his sons long term out outlook and yes they be going to be challenges . So I opened up about my situation. He’s reacted in disbelief at first. Floored to a degree. I believe it helped them. But it was fan friggin tastic for me. I was able to use this thing that at times ate me up as a tale of hope and understanding. Never in a million lifetimes would I thought I’d live that moment. Life can be amazing at times. That day I killed that beast (took 40 years)