How to deal with a frustrating loss?

[35RoloSmith41]

Normally I can shake off a bad game but I’m ready to snap right now. 
 

up 5-1 going into the third and then the other team scored 8 goals. 7 of them were in the blue paint or right in front of the net and the 8th was a breakaway for a 9-8 regulation loss. 
 

I know these fall on my team for being non existent in the defensive end in the third but holy fuck. Pulling the puck out of my net 8 times in one period while 2 guys on the other team celebrate in front of me has me losing it. 
 

I snapped one of my sticks on the boards, it’s like 3 hours later and I can’t calm down. 
 

So… any tips? 

[A.YOUNGoalie13]

Find other non hockey stuff to do so you aren’t focused on the game. Take a break from playing for a week maybe. Then you’ll get that feeling of you just want to get back out there. It happens to everyone! Levi and the Sabres were winning last night and ended up losing big. I’m sure they aren’t too worried about it. Its not the end all be all game!

[Fullright]

You likely played well. Sounds like you had a good game going having been beaten only once through 2 periods. So focus on that and dump the 3rd from your mind. Sometimes the roof just falls in no matter what you do. Forget the 3rd and get ready for the next one. Short memory.

[mr_shifty1982]

Probably time for a new team, cuz I get the feeling this isn't the end. 

I been in these situations but the score wasn't that high. 

[Lucky Pucker]

I like what @Fullright said about short memory etc. The mantra and/or routine after every play (good or bad) can be very helpful if you’re not already using that. But of course there are some games where it all feels like it’s going to shit (I’ve totally been there, allowing 6,7,8 goals in a period).

Specifically for your game, it sounds like the team in front of you allowed 8 prime scoring chances. So unless your Goals Saved Above Expected is sitting at about 8 (NHL leaders, I believe, are around 3-4), I can’t see this being on you.

More generally, I try to only “get mad” when I know exactly what technique I should have used, but didn’t. And even then, it doesn’t last or hang over me after the game. My philosophy is that I’m grateful for every ice time I get. I wanted desperately to play as a kid, but my folks couldn’t afford it. I started at age 39, which maybe gives me a different perspective. But the bottom line for me is that I feel very lucky that I get to play (hence the “Lucky Pucker” alias )

[mik]

Is it just a game you play for fun? If so, just try to let it go. It just happens, sometimes the players are to blame, sometimes the goalie (own experience ). The next time you are on the ice, it won't matter anyway... 

[creasecollector]

Try and move on as best you can. Finding something outside the rink to focus on like another poster mention is a great idea. It can help you reset and come back to the rink mentally fresher. 

[seagoal]

I'd say next time you play just try to focus on small things in your game and work on those, create little victories for yourself.  "I will send a blocker rebound safely to the corner" and do it.  "I will trap a puck in my belly" and do it. "I will keep my hands actively out in front of my body" and do it.  Work on building confidence one little piece at a time. Ultimately you can only control yourself so try not to invest too much well-being or emotions in things you can not control.

I know it's easy and perhaps comforting to blame our teammates and have high expectations for them, but as goalies we are responsible for any shot on net, no matter what. That's not to say we should expect to save every shot and get shutouts, but we have a chance to make decisions on every shot, every save.  We can learn to make better decisions and improve, bit by bit, piece by piece. Ultimately, we are the only ones who improve our game on the ice and build healthy emotional and mental durability that allows us to endure the stressors of playing goalie.

I like to think of everything that happens in front of us as a filter: our responsibility, what we should worry about and invest in, is everything that gets through the filter, no matter what.  That's where I learned to aim my focus after struggling with anger and embarrassment and frustration for years in in my 20s and 30s.  I think if we worry too much about the filter in front of us, if we expect too much or place blame there, we are projecting too much of our well-being and success on things we can not control and setting ourselves up for failure.

[keeperton]

Lot of good words said in here, so I'll share my piece.

I used to be the angriest ball of rage in my leagues. I got known for it, I got reprimanded for it, I got suspended for it, I lost friends from it. It took a lot of self reflection to do something about it; anger/frustration isn't always unwarranted, so I'm not trying to prescribe how to feel. What it really boiled down to me was the realization that a lot in my life was going not right, but in that exact moment it was the puck being in the net that was a problem, that was the embodiment of everything wrong. I had to step back and work on the things in my day-to-day situation, to mellow out, to seek mental council, to play well. I'm still a ball of intensity in games that I care about, but the anger has been abated, we have to get up and tend to our lives the next day, to be better teammates to those of us just wanting to play some damn hockey because we love it.

You'll do fine, talk with your team, befriend your team, and work on being the best version of your self you can (in the least self-help way I can try to word it). Life is hard, others will understand.

[Scythe]

Had a loss last night 6-1. Hate losing. Start the game all positive and then it turns into a mfkn shitshow right after the opening faceoff. 2 were unlucky bullfk bounces, 2 were my screwups and 2 were just good play.

The scoring stopped after the start of the 2nd so I can at least feel good about almost 2 full periods. Especially the 3rd where I stopped everything. 

Im on the sub list. I don't want to commit to a team so I think of it as being a local ebug .  But I try my best for everybody that has me play for them. The team last night is in last place and I really wanted to help get a win for them. 

 

Anyway good tips in the thread. And that other thread. 

Edited March 18 by Scythe

[budgetwukong]

Eat some comfort food, then treat yourself to an intense weight training session to release the rage and some dopamine. Obtain superhuman strength and remind your defense that you can crush them like ice cream cones with just a twitch of your glutes.

[creasecollector]

12 hours ago, Scythe said:

Had a loss last night 6-1. Hate losing. Start the game all positive and then it turns into a mfkn shitshow right after the opening faceoff. 2 were unlucky bullfk bounces, 2 were my screwups and 2 were just good play.

The scoring stopped after the start of the 2nd so I can at least feel good about almost 2 full periods. Especially the 3rd where I stopped everything. 

Im on the sub list. I don't want to commit to a team so I think of it as being a local ebug .  But I try my best for everybody that has me play for them. The team last night is in last place and I really wanted to help get a win for them. 

 

Anyway good tips in the thread. And that other thread. 

It happens. Just try and put it behind you. This is the time of year when the tough losses round up (playoffs, etc).

[keeperton]

15 hours ago, Scythe said:

Had a loss last night 6-1. Hate losing. Start the game all positive and then it turns into a mfkn shitshow right after the opening faceoff. 2 were unlucky bullfk bounces, 2 were my screwups and 2 were just good play.

The scoring stopped after the start of the 2nd so I can at least feel good about almost 2 full periods. Especially the 3rd where I stopped everything. 

Im on the sub list. I don't want to commit to a team so I think of it as being a local ebug .  But I try my best for everybody that has me play for them. The team last night is in last place and I really wanted to help get a win for them. 

 

Anyway good tips in the thread. And that other thread. 

Not every track is a banger on every album. Work on remembering to love playing and why you love playing, then evaluate if you think that relationship is healthy (this isn't so much at you, but in general). I love being a substitute goalie, especially in leagues/rinks that don't totally know me/figure my game out (so I don't get my shoulders or whatever picked and I don't have hard reads on players). Every ice time is a joy, every time I get to put the pads on is an absolute thrill. This weird, strange, esoteric sport and position rule.

10 hours ago, budgetwukong said:

Eat some comfort food, then treat yourself to an intense weight training session to release the rage and some dopamine. Obtain superhuman strength and remind your defense that you can crush them like ice cream cones with just a twitch of your glutes.

Literally the opposite of what you should do though. Psychologically making that a pattern for oneself is horrible.

Get those glutes huge though, reject societal norms and become a PAWG.

[coopaloop1234]

On 10/7/2023 at 1:37 AM, 35RoloSmith41 said:

So… any tips? 

Usually a 6 pack will do the trick.

Win or Lose, we booze. 

[chile57]

50 minutes ago, coopaloop1234 said:

Usually a 6 pack will do the trick.

Win or Lose, we booze. 

This. We had a rough year this year (after winning it "all" the year prior). We'd get it all out in the locker room by the time we were done showering and then we were the team every week regardless of weather - beer circling it out in the parking lot. Assorted snacks, wheeled out a grill sometimes, etc. and by the time we were out there all was forgotten. I mean - I'm competitive for sure but I keep coming back because we have a good group of dudes (and one lady).

[RichMan]

I say F*&% IT! THROW A TANTRUM! MOUTH OFF! SPIT ON THE GROUND! SHAKE YOUR FIST! POINT WITH YOUR FINGER EVEN!!!

Once it's all said and done, take a deep breath........step out of the car and get back to regular life  

I've been going through a rough patch in my personal life and the same on the ice despite a strong record in the first half of the season. Maybe what I'm going through is what's affecting my game. Then again, I play to get away from all that B.S. I'm going through. It's confusing I know.

BUT...I've decided to have fun. Other than my pick-up nights, my Monday league games are just for me now. I'm letting go of the pressure and doing what I have to do for myself and not caring much about the guys in front of me. Sure, if they score I'll be cheering, but if we ( i ) get scored on and get a comment or see the frustration or long faces, I don't care anymore. f%$k it, f$%k them. I still give everything I've got when I step in front of that net and short of scoring a goal or two myself, it's their job to score and to back check to give me a hand, I don't control that. Neither do you.

You win as a team, you lose as a team. Do your part and do it well. We all know when we mess up or gave up a weak one, we don't need to reminded or feel the pressure from their lack of effort or talent or made to feel like it's all on us to steal the game. For some of us it happens now and then, for some, more than I care to hear (you lucky freaks of nature). 

Just like a pro does, forget and move on. That is what separates the good from the best.